#2

so, i guess i'm really writing this for me. if you're reading this, i appreciate it, and maybe you can help me sort out the tangle of thoughts that i've become in recent months.
my life is upside down and inside out. turned around twelve times and hung to dry by the wayside.
not really. maybe thats just me.
for you to understand my perspective on this, you're going to have to try and grasp me, and what i've been going through. i understand that there are many layers to a person, and this is only a blog. but we'll work together.
i'm a pretty average person, i lead a pretty average life.
i dream big.
sometime in june, shortly after my graduation/birthday, my dad walked out on my family. for no apparent reason.

when i was little i used to think it be cool to have separated parents. to any little kid i'm sure that would seem awesome. two sets of parents, two bedrooms to decorate, two christmas' to share with two families. what's not to enjoy about that?

trust me, it's not that cool.
since then, there have been endless fights, late nights, letters and lonely holidays.
i don't see my dad much. our relationship has gone from something that was tolerable to something that is almost painful to work through on a day-to-day basis.
seeing him makes me sick.
talking about him makes me angry.
seeing my mom cry breaks my heart into a million little pieces that i'm still trying to put back together.

and try as i might, i don't understand. i mean, i don't think anyone gets married with the hope of a divorce in their future, but how does someone walk out on their family?
how can a job possibly be more important than your children?
how can going out with friends 'for a few drinks' be more important than me?