#7

i'm on this kick.

where i believe in wonder and passion and amazement and magic and fear and love.

i believe in beauty and strength and trust.

i believe that every morning i can wake up and change the world for even one person.

i learnt today that i'm strong. that i don't need someone to lean on. i don't want someone to lean on.

i want someone to build me up. to challenge me. to chase me and not get bored when i'm caught.

a best friend.

wow. and it's only monday night.

happy december, everyone :)

#6

#5

independent.

driven.

self-sufficient.

magical.

let-down.

disappointed.

misled.

angry.

what possible heart-song could tomorrow bring?

i can't wait to find out.

#4

10: 22 am

morning glory.

my coffee is cold. i should be studying biology right now. cranial nerves will be my best friends by sunday night, i just know it.

S went to the cabin.

i should go to yoga this weekend, try to clear my head before the exam madness really sets in.

three weeks till freedom !

which means six weeks till christmas. yikes.

i can hear thunder (?) outside my window.

does it really rain in november now?

BC has 413cm of snow. they stole ours, thats for sure.

#3

today was a good day.

the sun wasn't even up when i was today. running at seven is fantastic.

the sun beat me home however, and was lighting up my bedroom when i came home. it was lovely.

i remembered to take my camera with me this morning on the way to school, just incase any photo opportunities arose. sadly, today wasn't the day for my Proj. 3-6-5 to start.

i'm not even sure what i'm waiting for, or what i'm really expecting to see. maybe some snow?

i never thought i would say this, but snow would be nice at this point. even if it was only the 'christmas in NY' kind of snow.

i saw the funniest thing today.

as i was standing on henderson, waiting for my 11, i noticed an old man shuffling down the sidewalk. he had a cane in his left hand, clearly trying to support himself on such a cold, windy morning.

so, thinking nothing of it, i continued to watch the old man walk. he stops.

looks left, looks right. one more quick glance left.

picks up his cane.

books it across henderson highway.

and continues to hobble along down the street, as though he hadn't just sprinted like hermes.

i laughed out loud. and everyone at the stop judged me. because apparently no one else had witnessed what i had.

#2

so, i guess i'm really writing this for me. if you're reading this, i appreciate it, and maybe you can help me sort out the tangle of thoughts that i've become in recent months.
my life is upside down and inside out. turned around twelve times and hung to dry by the wayside.
not really. maybe thats just me.
for you to understand my perspective on this, you're going to have to try and grasp me, and what i've been going through. i understand that there are many layers to a person, and this is only a blog. but we'll work together.
i'm a pretty average person, i lead a pretty average life.
i dream big.
sometime in june, shortly after my graduation/birthday, my dad walked out on my family. for no apparent reason.

when i was little i used to think it be cool to have separated parents. to any little kid i'm sure that would seem awesome. two sets of parents, two bedrooms to decorate, two christmas' to share with two families. what's not to enjoy about that?

trust me, it's not that cool.
since then, there have been endless fights, late nights, letters and lonely holidays.
i don't see my dad much. our relationship has gone from something that was tolerable to something that is almost painful to work through on a day-to-day basis.
seeing him makes me sick.
talking about him makes me angry.
seeing my mom cry breaks my heart into a million little pieces that i'm still trying to put back together.

and try as i might, i don't understand. i mean, i don't think anyone gets married with the hope of a divorce in their future, but how does someone walk out on their family?
how can a job possibly be more important than your children?
how can going out with friends 'for a few drinks' be more important than me?

#1

well. here it goes i guess. entry number one.

my name is delanie shann. my last name is irrelevant at the moment. it belongs to my father and right now i don't want anything that belongs to him to belong to me to.

my favorite color is green. today, i painted my nails purple.

i'm a runner, a best friend, a grand daughter and a cousin. i'm a sister, a dancer, a wish granter and an excellent listener.

i'm an optimistic heart with a realistic brain.

i enjoy yoga.

i wish i still taught dance classes.

i have an audition on the 20th. i'm terrified already.

i study to much and sleep to little. all i want is to be somebody.