#35

don't fix it if it hasn't broken,
and don't regret what's yet to come.
so let's go,
a small spark will set it off.
explode,
ignite the dark, illuminate the foreign.
but whilst your head is is still in the clouds
the best advice i have?

don't look down.

#34

today was a good day.

#33

i heart revolution.
i crave movement, strength and passion.
where did all the good go?



let love tear down these walls.
we're all in this together.

#32

a spontaneous burn,
the desultory yearning for yesterday.
the moments spent searching for oneself aside a porcelain throne,
closely followed by endless nights where it seems the sun will never shine.

the desire for an extinct answer.
three teared tantrums.

everything is alive.

#31

from my rotting body, flowers shall grow and i am in them and that is eternity.

#30

how curious it is to me,
that today, being the day of one's birth,
has also become the day of another's passing.

happy birthday, S.
you've come along way, and you have yet to disappoint.

happy passing, M.
your road was long and hard,
and i'm sorry that it had to be you.
god has great plans for you beyond this life,
please don't be scared,
and always know that you were blessed on this earth
with something so much greater than this.
i'll pray for you.
<3

#29

should be studying for my exam right now.

it's tomorrow.

but instead, i'm reading this.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?’”

and listening to this

concert in three weeks

i will most definitely cry.

he is the love of my life.

#28

the city is alive again.

the sun is out and the snow has pooled into lakes along the sides of the roads, i can almost smell summer;

this transition is my favorite of all of them,

from grey to blue to green and yellow, to late nights and early mornings.

layered socks and sweaters, traded in for bare feet and wind-swept hair and dresses.

this year it seems more sudden, even though it feels like winter never really came.

even in it's absence, this winter was wonderful; somehow different from the rest.

or maybe it was just me who was different.

this winter, the city was different to me somehow.

most days it felt like a trap, closing in on me with every day that i spent inside it's bleak, snowed-in walls.

but sometimes, when i woke up in the morning and the sun shone down at just the right angle,

it didn't seem so sad.

sometimes, i didn't feel like i was being crushed beneath something so huge, i had no chance of survival; no chance for light or air.

perhaps it even seemed beautiful.

even so, i'm ready to welcome spring with open arms.

#27

To be nobody but yourself in a world,

that's doing it's best to make you everybody else,

means fighting the hardest human battle ever and never stopping the fight.

-E.E. Cummings

#26

no matter where you run,

you`ll just end up running into yourself

god put something in front of me,

i think he's telling me to get my shit together.

i can feel it in my bones.

#25

i'm miles from where you are
i lay down on the cold ground i,
i pray that something pick's me up and
sets me down in your
warm arms


today was a good day.

:)

#24

i hang my coat up in the first bar
there is no peace that i`ve found so far
the laughter penetrates my silence
as drunken men find flaws in science



this past sunday, i attended what was probably the best church service i've been to so far.
the testimonials of seven individuals were presented to me, and by the time the hour was up i could barely breathe.
a room full of people came together that day, and we were all united in prayer for these seven people.
how can cancer possibly be a gift?
how can drugs and debt teach you to be a better person?
how can a person plagued with jaundice begin to overcome a lifetime of self-consciousness?

as these seven people stood before me, i couldn't help but ask some questions about myself.
how is it that i have never been able to accept my body for what it is, but a woman who has been afflicted with jaundice is able to smile into the camera and tell us that she feels blessed by her disease?
how is it that i have a hard time saying goodbye to my best friends for a week, and a man is able to draw the strength to say goodbye to his family till they meet again in heaven?
how can anyone be strong enough to accept their disease as a blessing and not a curse?

with each person that spoke, i could feel my throat constrict. where did these people draw their strength from? how can anyone locate a firm ground to stand on when their world is being yanked from beneath their feet?

while my head still swims with questions, everyday i can feel myself growing into the answers.
looking back at my journey these past few months, i've already found more than i ever expected to find.
to me, god had always been a foreign concept. an idea that weak people clung to when they weren't strong enough to face day to day situations alone.
for me, it was easier to say that i didn't believe than put in the effort to open up my heart and accept what was right infront of me.
science explained it all, right? we are simply the result of multiple chemical reactions co existing at an unidentified position in a space-time continuum.
i'm not sure at what point i started to think otherwise.
maybe i was just sick of denying to myself something that had always been inside of me,
or perhaps it was purely out of educational interest.
maybe it was the car ride with S.
either way, i feel like i'm on to something.
it's neither concrete nor tangible, it cannot be explain by functions, lines, numbers, or endless pages of text.
but i can feel it,
and everyday it's wonderful.